A week or so ago, I was perusing the book selections at Sam's Club and came across a women of the Bible 52 week study. It looked interesting, and wasn't too expensive, and so I bought it. I started the study 2 days ago (beginning with the story of Eve), and have been thinking of this statement ever since.
From "Women of the Bible"
" She (Eve) never knew the meaning of embarrassment, misunderstanding, hurt, estrangement, envy, bitterness, grief, or guilt until she listened to her enemy and began to doubt God."
It just made me think and wonder. How often do I feel a negative emotion because I have my eyes/heart/dreams set on something that is not inline with God or His will for my life? How often do I feel these emotions because I am listening to the values of my culture and society? People around me? Friends or family? My own thoughts and values and desires? My sinful cravings? When I'm feeling misunderstood, hurt, bitter, resentful...am I doubting God? Doubting His ability to bring good from a situation? Am I doubting that He made me in His image?
Certainly, as humans, we do process negative emotions...Of course it is normal to feel sad, angry, embarrassed. But I am being challenged...to not bask in those emotions, to not wear them like a badge, to not wallow in the self pity and self righteousness of them, but rather to return my focus to Jesus.
As I've been thinking of these things, and questioning myself, I'm also reminded of the incident of Peter walking on water. The storm was raging, and Jesus came walking on the water. The disciples were frightened. When Jesus called out, Peter jumped out of the boat, and despite the stormy sea, he was walking on water...until he started looking at the giant waves, the rain and wind whipping at his face and body, and then he started to sink. Jesus words? "You of little faith," he said, " why did you doubt?"
So last year I was doing really well eating healthy and exercising. I was working with a personal trainer, and really toning up and losing weight. Life got busy, money got tight, and my resolve weakened. Part of the problem is I'm a perfectionist. I struggle with finding balance, because, well I want to do everything perfectly. If I focus on cleaning the house, then exercise suffers, if I focus on exercise, then the house suffers, and cause I'm so fixated on my goals, my family suffers... Yesterday I was praying about it. I realized that I need to do things in moderation. I know, its not this grand revelation, but its something that I need to constantly be reminded of. So, I might not be able to walk 7 miles a day, AND do strength training and stretching...But I can do 30 minutes of either, everyday, still be fit, and yet still get all my house and family obligations done. So 30 minutes a day it is. So far, I've done it today. Way to go me! Let's see what tomorrow brings!